Thursday, November 21, 2013

on getting bigger and trying to not compare.

the last two weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind. the really nice thing is that I was able to go to Michigan twice; once unexpectedly for a funeral, but the family time was something I won't take for granted. we will miss grandma Sally, but will continue celebrate her life and the fact that she is no longer suffering.

welp, I jumped into the second trimester and all of the sudden my body decided I could handle this whole pregnancy thing. such a breath of fresh air. I still have queasy moments here and there and obviously life is much different, but I'm feeling better and feel like I can enjoy this time more. I wanted to love being pregnant so bad, so it has been nice the last couple weeks.

anywho. some of you have mentioned that you want to see more photos of the little one making me pack on the pounds. (; I have a hard time willingly posting this kind of thing (you know, photos and such vulnerable info of myself), so thanks for the push. I will try to update more often. here are a few.. twelve weeks, somewhere in between fourteen and fifteen weeks, and then sixteen weeks. little on is growing.

one thing I have been learning about is that all of the sudden comparison sneaks in again. it's something I feel most women deal with in all seasons of life. but once you seem to grasp that you're who you are for a reason and comparing yourself is a big waste of the peace you could be experiencing, you start something new and wonder if what you're doing is right. does that make sense at all? I'll have thoughts that are obviously not productive and then wonder why all of the sudden I care so much. things like, 'she is farther along than I am and I'm way bigger than her already' or 'she is so much more prepared than I am'. getting used to having this belly is interesting and finding clothes I feel good in is a grand task. don't get me wrong, I love it so much and I wouldn't wish it away for anything. and obviously every woman is different and will carry differently, but I think identity can be a struggle no matter where you are in life and comparing myself to other mommies-to-be (which there seem to be a ton of right now, congratulations ladies!) is something to be watching out for.

and then God is like, 'okay, but look down.' and I see my belly for real. and I remember the greatness of what is happening inside of me. that there is a HUMAN in there. a real life baby. and for as long as I'm living on this earth, it is my real life baby and even once it is no longer inside of me I get to keep it.  and it gets to have Chad as a daddy. beautiful.
so the handy little phone app says the babe is about the size of an avocado this week and can start hearing my voice, among many other miraculous things, which has been so crazy for me to think about. I guess that means we need to start being more vocal. but how neat is it that our voices will be recognizable and soothing once he or she is here? that's pretty neat in my book.


Leslie said...

Ali, this was so beautiful. I'm so excited for you, and I love the unique and lovely way you express this experience! Keep sharing as little one grows in your tummy and heart. :)

Lauren Faye Kasten said...

Perfectly said. I love this-thanks for sharing <3