Friday, September 05, 2014

four months.

four months of life on the outside today.

here's how it went:
four month wellness check up in the morning. girl is going for gold (fifteen pounds!). we stopped for coffee because.. coffee. and I guess, because neither of us grown ups slept well. she and I went to target while Chad worked in the shed. once we got back home she nursed and fell asleep. she woke from an unusually long nap with the saddest little baby cough and a stuffy little nose. but the happiest of grins. we're sitting on the porch now, while it storms somewhere nearby. she loves the breeze. (which, I meeean, hallelujah for that in late Louisiana summer, am I right??)

my head doesn't like it and my heart finds it sad, but I know there is protection from someone greater.

thank you, Jesus, for healing little bodies and for giving bigger ones just what is needed for the little ones to prosper. 

happy four months, our little Norah Jane. you are the sweetest.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

kindness of strangers.

I was told, the other day, that I won't break my kids. he could probably see the newness and a little bit of fear in me being out in the world. the sauna that is New Orleans. after hearing Norah is our first, he could remember how that felt for him and he said, "don't worry, you're not going to break her. just love her and be there for her and she'll be alright."

and I thought, what a nice and encouraging thing for a stranger to say. he didn't tell me the normal; how fast it goes or how it only gets harder. he didn't say, she's good now, but just wait until she can talk. or don't blink, she'll be eighteen tomorrow. or enjoy it while you can.

no. just love her. 

so mommas and dads, those beautiful babes of yours, just love 'em.

Wednesday, July 02, 2014

i am blessed.

feeling so heavy as I read of a couple who lost their baby after an early delivery, already knowing her heart wasn't beating. I know, of course, why it hits so close to home, but something about this couple.. their faith and strength is the most beautiful I've seen. I've been following his Instagram account, admiring his photography and the way he loves his wife and has been documenting her pregnancy.

the thing that gets me the most is realizing how unworthy I feel to have such a healthy little girl. they spent the few hours they had with their baby just praying and celebrating her life. I have this beautiful, living baby. one who came into this world the most natural way, just as I hoped. even better than I had hoped. who nurses better than I dreamed. finds comfort in my touch. I had all of these hopes and God has exceeded them more than I ever expected and I'm not even on my face everyday asking for any of it. 

don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for our Norah girl and there are hard things I am going through. but how are we walking in so much favor when many days I don't even pray? and this couple prayed over their baby so much in anticipation, but only had a short time to hold her. I can't imagine not being able to hold the baby I carried inside. I know we just don't understand some things that happen, but things like this.. sometimes I wish we could understand.

so I've just been pondering all of this and praying for that family. and we're obviously still figuring out this new life of ours. trying to navigate all of this overwhelming love we have in our hearts that my mind can't fully comprehend. so much love, it hurts. and I still get emotional, you can call it the baby blues if you want, but it's more than that. your heart is wrecked when you have a baby. it's a spiritual thing as much as, if not more than, it is a physical or emotional thing. (so mommas, don't feel bad about being confused or emotional! just don't be afraid to ask for an ear to listen. (: )

I listened to a podcast today, from a good friend of ours in Idaho, which is rare for me (I can never stay focused listening to podcasts, so I usually just don't do it, to be honest), but I feel like God took me right to it because I needed to know that I am blessed. and that's just it, and that's okay. and because something terribly hard happens to someone else, it doesn't mean I shouldn't be blessed. 

your identity isn't achieved, it's received.
God doesn't say, "Do holiness and I'll call you holy". He says, "You are holy, so do holiness". He is a good dad who begins with blessing. you can't work for it, it's just given to you. no strings attached.

I don't have to manipulate God to bless me. He just does it. He just loves me.
He just loves you.

“What primitive people who thought that they needed to manipulate the gods, or the goddesses, or God to bless them..” c.s. lewis.

the best thing you can give is yourself. the best thing He could give, is Himself. and He did. God likes to bless us.

obviously I want everyone to listen to the podcast because I think it is so great, but I know that won't be the case. maybe though, it is just for one person reading this. so I thought I would share.

and here is the song he speaks of at the end.
(he didn't ask me to post this and doesn't know I am, but his heart is one we've always admired and it might do your heart well to follow him. who knows. hi, Adam!)

now I am going to snatch up my little bird who is sweetly sighing in her sleep, because I'm all sappy and can't help myself. she needs the extra squeeze today, I just know it. (okay, or it's me. I do. I need it.)

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

I can't remember a birthday where it hasn't rained for at least part of the day. today was no exception. it's almost become a comfort. I actually like it. and sitting by the window with our girl sleeping on my chest, listening to the thunder.. kind of beautiful.

also, a little bit funny.. I was surprised with a bench for our front porch this morning. so the only thing occupying the seat is a bunch of rainwater. (: looking forward to sitting out there in the future though.

I figure you're probably more interested in Norah right now though, so I'll let you know that she is doing great. ten pounds at her one month check up last week (she was 7 lb 9 oz at birth) and starting to lose that pretty baby hair. makes my momma heart a little sad, but also happy just to know she's thriving in this great big world.

hello twenty seven. I think I'll probably like you.