real love.

something really big happened. something so beautiful. heart break and heart warmth together in one. life changing, probably.

why does the lover have to die? why did Jesus have to die for me?

I feel bad.

I can't imagine losing Chad forever. I know we have Holy Spirit, but all of the sudden I can't comprehend losing someone in the physical for my own freedom. and yet, that is what once happened.

recently, I've been craving the next great love story. maybe, now I know it's because I needed the real thing brought to better attention in my life. I saw a movie that left me wanting to see another like it. I read a book that left me wanting to read it again.. because the love stories were so entrapping.

I also watched all four seasons of an old television show and each time the main character was separated from his love interest and then reunited, and every time the father was reunited with his son after being held so far apart against their will, I would get that feeling I imagine most women get. my heart feels bigger in that moment and so happy. it didn't have to be a romantic thing. just a real love thing. in those moments goosebumps would cover my body before the thought of what was happening would really even register in my brain. seeming like I was feeling more than just a good feeling for the two reuniting. it made me think it had to be more than just seeing actors on a screen, more than just good writing. and then yes (Mom and Dad and Chad, you might want to make sure you're sitting down), I would get teary-eyed.

[if you are not a fan of spoilers, here is my warning.. maybe I'll just spare you the title of the show. but I'm about to tell you how it ends.]

in the end the main character does all that is physically possible and dies to save his wife and child so they can be free forever. this beautiful act- and so painful; I later connected it with the death of Christ.

and I wept.

I'm a little bit embarrassed to say that I think God led me to some tv show (all four seasons) to reveal how much He loves me. but I guess if that's the case, I'll just stay real and go ahead and admit that and be okay with it.

this is no new story to me. I'm not new in the church world. like many of you, I have heard and read the story of Christ hundreds of times. I have experienced his blessing and grace on this earth more than I deserve. I've never really cried over His death like this though.. never really felt it so real to myself.. or made me feel so lovesick. never so fresh in my heart.

kind of a big deal.

{I'm sorry You had to die to save us. thank You for teaching me about true love. continue speaking. I pray I never forget this feeling.}


'I wish we could sometimes love the characters in real life as we love the characters in romances. there are a great many souls whom we should accept more kindly, and even appreciate more clearly, if we simply thought of them as people in a story.' gk chesterson.