some people look, but they don't see.

for as long as I can remember, it has bothered me that I don't look at people's eyes. I'm always looking at your face when you talk to me, but I might be looking at your mouth more than your eyes. I can't really figure it out exactly. but I can almost guarantee that if I had to tell you your eye color right now, I wouldn't know. and I don't like that so much.

the other night, while I was getting ready for bed, I noticed my eyes in the mirror and thought, 'wow my eyes are so blue today'.

yeahhh. my eyes are blue every day.

it was almost like I was seeing my own eyes for the first time. or at least for the first time in a long while. and I was a little bit bothered again that I didn't even look at my own eyes. if I don't look at mine, why would I even think to look at others?

then my thoughts took a little turn, so bear with me. our pastor talked about idolatry last weekend at church. it was a really great reminder that we all can have our own idols, not necessarily objects, and I think I can speak for most of the people there, that what he had to say made us check our hearts to see if we were putting anything above God that we hadn't really noticed.

when I look in the mirror, I clearly don't look at my eyes. I look around them.. at my crazy hair, or my skin, or what I see as flaws.

but see, if we would spend the time that we focus on our flaws, on God instead, we wouldn't even see flaws. if I am more focused on what I see wrong, than on thanking Him for things like the fact that I have a mirror, or water, and an actual toilet, isn't that a form of idolatry? maybe if I can try to only look at the eyes God purposefully gave me (and only me) when I am getting ready for bed, my "flaws" would disappear. and maybe I would start remembering other people's eye color. and maybe.. maybe. maybe I would learn something new about myself. sounds a little intimidating to be honest. but might have potential for breakthrough in an area I don't know I need it. who knows?

I'm really sorry if I don't know the color of your eyes. and please don't worry; I promise I know the color of my husband's eyes. (but I will say, one of the first things I noticed about him, after all of that curly hair, was that great smile and all of those straight teeth. so maybe teeth are just my thing. (;  )

..

I shared this on facebook a while back, but as I was writing this out I remembered the song. probably one of my favorite performances ever. goosebumps every time I watch. a little unrelated maybe, but just humor me and watch. love y'all.

question.

a thought today.. am I not trusting God enough, if I carry a hand sanitizer in my sweater pocket, because the little guy I watch is sick? discuss.

..

continuation.

from the hospital "rooftop" place.

one important thing to practice before going to Romania: flexibility. they actually stressed that before I went the first time. anything goes. at any time. without warning. like this big hole blocking us from going to and from the house.

celebrating Brooke's "21st" birthday.

+ more soon.

take time to reminisce.

you know those seasons or events that impact your life unexpectedly? those things that you know are so important to how you will spend the next season. and how you try so hard to remember it all.

so hard. all of those tiny details of such a big, important thing that you never want to forget. and eventually you have to get back to life as it was before- but with a new mindset- and you're trying to figure out how to make that work. it can be overwhelming.

and sometimes you get to a place where the memories so fresh, seem to start to fade a bit. and that can be sad. in my case, I started a new season right after a huge trip across the globe. a new job, for lack of a better word. I now spend my days with a little one year old while his great parents are at work. a sweet boy who is loved so dearly by so many. and so busy he keeps me.

and while you start a whole new, fun, learning experience on its own, you struggle to keep the memories, and all that God taught you before, fresh in your mind. but life has to keep going.

please, don't get me wrong. I am not walking around all sad and sullen all of the time.. wouldn't help at all. I think, probably, if you've been on a trip like that, you kind of get what I mean. this is just where my heart is at right now. because I keep thinking about sweet little Maria and each time, that brings back the memories of the wonderful trip and the beautiful heart ache that comes with it.

so, I am thankful for photographs. thankful for the fact that I can go back and look at them to stir up the smells, tastes, sights. and how it felt to hold those precious, tiny bodies curled up in my arms and resting on my hips. or the little hands that take hold of my shirt as to say, please don't put me down yet. feelings I never want to forget.

so, so sweet. I wanted to sit and talk with them all day.

+ be back soon.